Hello Warriors, Watch Dog here.
I used to be a very angry person and I still am at times. I didn’t know why because when I was younger, I was always in a good mood. I loved to laugh, joke, and just enjoy everything. I was always the one person who found the good in everything. I didn’t even have to try. It was just who I was.
I’m not sure when I let anger in or exactly what caused it. Heck, I don’t even know if it happened in the blink of an eye or if the anger took time to take me over. I do know that anger did take me over completely. It dug its claws in me and controlled me, for a lot of years.
If I’m being honest, anger still has a grip on me and comes out from time to time, even when I don’t want it to. Over the past few years, I have learned to take back control. (Not all of it, YET) I have learned one very important fact about anger. That fact is this, most of the time anger isn’t even anger. Are you confused yet?
I’ll try to explain. For many years I lived my life knowing 2 emotions, happy and angry (Well pissed off). I would switch from one of those emotions to the other in the blink of an eye. I was ready, willing, and able to take on one of those emotions. If that emotion was anger, I was also ready and willing to hurt someone too. Most of the time I did not have a good reason for that kind of anger. It was just all I knew, and I did not know how to control it.
I have done a lot of soul searching and self-reflection over the past 3 or 4 years. I figured out that most of the time I wasn’t even angry! (Confusing isn’t it) I had a Chaplin Friend introduce me to an Emptions Wheel. If you do not know what this is, look it up, download it, and print one out for you to keep on hand. I learned that in a lot of situations where I felt anger, I wasn’t even angry. It was some other emotion, but it would come out as anger. It was just an emotion I knew, so I used that instead of trying to understand what I was really feeling.
The truth is I used anger to cover other emotions that are not “acceptable” for men to feel. You know, because men aren’t allowed to have feelings or emotions! (Sarcasm) Some of these emotions that anger masked were Fear, Confusion, Feeling Alone, Lost, or even the Unknown. It was easier being angry or mad than it was to be scared.
Anger can have physical effects on your health, I experience headaches, high blood pressure, and trouble sleeping just to name a few. But anger does so much more also, it prevented me from experiencing Joy, Happiness, Comfort, Compassion and Peace. I was never able to be Calm or Confident (Tough one to admit) or know Love (for my-self and for others). I realize that I was not truly living.
Anger was my comfort zone. I would look for reasons to get angry. Sometimes it was just so I could feel comfortable and feel like I had control over something. It was fake comfort and didn’t make me feel good. It just made me look like a jerk and embarrassed my family.
Wow, I wish I knew then what I know what I know now. Learning how to label and identify my emotions has made all the difference. That’s where that Emotion Wheel comes in. I can look at all the emotions on it and then decide from there exactly which ones I am feeling. Communication has been key, but prior to knowing how to label different emotions it was impossible. Making sure that what I heard is what was actually said. I’ve realized that I don’t always have to be the tough guy. I can still be that guy if I need too, but I don’t have to be. It is because of these things that I can be the man that my wife and kids want to be around. It is a much better way to live!
Once I reached that point in my life when anger was all I could feel, I stayed there for a long time, a very long time. I lived in that state of anger for so long that I am still trying to get out of it. I do not want to be that person anymore. I want to be the man that my wife fell in love with. The man who has compassion for others. The man with a good heart and the most important thing is a man who follows God and doesn’t worry about my pride. It’s been about 4 years now, but I am becoming a better man day by day. I am becoming the dad that my children are happy with, and the husband that my wife always wanted. I am becoming the man that God created me to be.
I still have work to do to overcome the anger that took me over, but I’m better today than I was yesterday. Seeing my family happy and knowing that they stood by me is the motivation I need to keep working to better my-self. God is allowing me to reach other so I can’t give up. My family continues to support me, so I won’t quit. This has been extremely hard and continues to be hard, but it is worth the fight! I am finally truly living.
God Bless you all.
;IGY6
No One Fights Alone!
Watch Dog
Relentless Warrior's Legacy 