Anger From the Caregivers Perspective

Melissa here! Today I want to talk about something really personal. It is hard for me to open up about certain topics. This one is one of them. I want to talk about the anger a caregiver of someone with PTSD can feel. We are going to dive in deep with this one. It will probably be hard to read but it might also helps another caregiver not feel so alone.

Caregivers go through a range of emotions. We have to have a support system. A friend of mine and I talk a lot about what we go through with our husbands who both have PTSD. We are each others support system. One because we are great friends and have been for a long time, but also because we are walking the same journey with PTSD. It is easy for us to understand what the other is going through when our husbands are struggling. One of the biggest things we talk about is how angry it makes us. I will not be telling her side of things because that is her story to tell, but I will talk about my side of things.

Anger is something that everyone experiences at one time or another. It is a very strong emotion and can be triggered pretty easy. Remember last week we said that anger is a secondary emotion. There is always something deeper going on than the person just being angry. This is the case when it comes to the caregivers of those with PTSD. It is never just about the anger.

One major underlying emotion I have when it comes to my roll as a caregiver is frustration. I get frustrated when I see Lawrence heading in a downward spiral and I can not stop it. Along with frustration I get worried and scared because I do not know how far down Lawrence will fall. All these emotions come out as anger.

I also get frustrated that we have to go through this journey at all. This journey is hard and can be exhausting. No it is not anyone’s fault, but that does not take away that frustration. I know God has a plan for us but I still get those feelings when we are in the thick of PTSD and everything that brings with it.

Another emotion I feel is that I get resentful. I get to where I resent Lawrence for struggling. I resent the way his PTSD sometimes consumes my life and the life of my kids. I resent that things become all about him. When I get this way I turn to yelling and screaming because I can not communicate this one in a healthy manor.

While you might not think any of these feelings are right, they are. They are also normal. I do feel guilty for feeling the way I do, but you can not go through a life altering thing in life and not have feelings and emotions about it. Even if those feelings and emotions seem to be wrong or nasty. Trust me I do not want to feel this way because Lawrence never asked for this. No one does.

The feeling of anger, frustration, and resentment can not be pushed down and not dealt with. I talk with my friend often to deal with the anger. I also try hard to open up to Lawrence too. That one is hard because I do not want him to feel guilty about his PTSD. It is not his fault I feel the way I do at times. It is just the course that PTSD takes us on. Caregivers tend to bottle things up and not voice how they feel. They must though. It makes them better caregivers. Caregivers must take care of their mental health too, not just the person with PTSD. They also must understand that their feelings are normal and that it is okay to not be okay. A support system is key for this. I am blessed to have a friend who is going though similar things with PTSD. I am also blessed to have a husband who tries to listen. Counselors help too. Just find someone to talk to. It will make your caregiver relationship better with the one you are taking care of.

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Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.”

Have a great weekend,

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)