Hello Warriors, Watch Dog here,
As we continue our discussions about relationships and communications, this week we are going to discuss emotions. This is a very touchy or tricky subject for me personally. For years I lived my life only utilizing two emotions; Happy and Angry. I have come to the realization that a lot of men only use these two emotions, and that really sucks!!!! It is not just men who experience this train of thought. Those with PTSD, depression and anxiety also think like this. The other thing that goes against us when looking at emotions is how we are raised. Many generations have taught their kids to not deal with their emotions. I was taught that as a man you are to be strong and tough and exposing emotions such as sadness is not acceptable. Kids throw temper tantrums because they do not know how to label and process their emotions. If we can teach young kids how to label and process emotions then communicating later in life can be a lot easier.
When I started going to anger management therapy, one of the first things that was offered to me was an Emotion Wheel. This is basically a Pie Chart divided into several sections. Each section is composed of 138 different emotions. Yes I said 138! As a man I didn’t know there were more than 5 or 6 emotions. I’m sure most women knew there many more than 5 or 6 because us as men can cause a lot of different emotions. Let’s look at this from a bigger perspective. (This is not an easy thing for me) if we look back at the communication wheel alone, how much easier would communication be if we know and can label all these different emotions? It would make an earth shattering difference.
A few years ago I would tell Melissa that I was pissed, and she would ask me why I was pissed. I did not have an answer. If I couldn’t give her an answer then how are we going to communicate effectively? How ever if I knew how to tell her that I felt disrespected or humiliated and that is why I was pissed, that would change things.
Lets look at the wheel. There are 3 different tiers to the wheel. Each tier leads to deeper emotions. You start in the very center of the wheel. Chose your basic emotion or emotions. Lets use anger as an example. Most people just jump to the emotion of anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. That means there is always something causing that the anger. So once you pin point the basic emotion, then go to the second tier. The cause of the anger could be aggression or frustration. From there you can break it down even more and look at the third tier. The deeper you can go and the more you can label the emotions you are feeling and why, the better your communication can be. It also helps lead to solutions. Young kids can be taught this too. Teaching them how to label exactly how they are feeling can help them express what their true need is. After time they learn to be more direct and skip the temper tantrums all together because the can express exactly what they need.
Remember last week when we looked at the Awareness Wheel. There is a FEELINGS section. This is where the Emotions Wheel comes in. When you are having a discussion using the Listening Cycle, and the Awareness Wheel, this Emotion Wheel is just one more tool to help with the discussion. Melissa and I use this all the time especially if it is a difficult conversation. We know that we are both on the same page with these tools. It has drastically changed how we argue and communicate in general.
Learning these different emotions has helped us relay how we are feeling in a productive manner with a better description than just being angry. Open lines of communications can and will lead to fewer arguments. All of the topics from the last couple of weeks, combined can truly change your relationship! We hope all of this talk about communication has helped and that these things are tools you can use in all your relationships.
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Ephesians 4: 26-27 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
We love you all and look forward to hearing from you,
Watch Dog
Relentless Warrior's Legacy 