Trauma Responses — A Look Inside the McGuire Household
I don’t know about you, but it has been a really long week here in the McGuire household. Between work, baseball, planning a trip to Ohio, trying to buy a new car, and making sure my son has a reliable car too — things have been absolutely hectic. And honestly? This is exactly where our trauma responses like to creep in.
Larry and I react very differently when we are stressed and triggered. His response is normally anger, and mine is withdrawal and shutdown. And right now, I can see both of us sitting very deep in our trauma responses. I have been absolutely exhausted — taking naps every single day when I get home from work because I just cannot seem to function. Larry has been coming home exhausted too, but his exhaustion turns into anger really fast. And as any parent knows, that is not a great combination when you have children in the house.
But here is something I want you to notice — our trauma responses are not the same. And that is because our experiences, our personalities, and the way God made us are not the same. Even our children have their own trauma responses that look completely different from ours.
So let’s dive deep into that today. Let’s talk about what trauma responses actually look like inside our family, because I think a lot of you will see yourselves here.
Me — Fight and Flight
I can react in two different ways — fight or flight. I very rarely freeze.
When I go into fight mode, it looks like yelling and grabbing for control. I also carry a lot of physical tension in my neck and shoulders, which is my body’s way of telling me I am triggered before my mind even catches up. Then there are the times I hit flight mode, because I simply do not want to deal with it. I don’t feel like I have the mental capacity to handle what is in front of me, so I will avoid conflict at all costs and try to emotionally check out completely.
Larry — Fight and Freeze
Larry’s response is mainly fight, but every once in a while he will freeze.
He gets irritated very easily and becomes defensive quickly, wanting to grasp for control. He also struggles with physical tension and a tendency to place blame. But if things get to be too much, he will go completely numb — get very quiet and withdraw immediately. It is like a switch flips and he is just gone emotionally.
Our Boys — Freeze, Flight, and Fawn
Our boys mostly freeze and sometimes go into flight, but the most common thing you will see from them is that they get quiet, go numb, and withdraw. They do this because they just want everyone to stop. They want the house to be calm and the noise to go away.
They also exhibit what is known as the fawn response — meaning they will try to please us, try to keep the peace, and try to make themselves as agreeable as possible just so the tension in the house dies down. They learned that if they could just make us happy, things would get quiet.
None of these are healthy ways to respond. Not one of them. And I say that with a full heart, because I know exactly how we got here.
How We Got Here
For a very long time, our home was driven by PTSD and all of the trauma responses that came with it. The one thing our home did not have was grace. We did not extend grace to each other, we did not extend grace to our children, and honestly, we did not extend grace to ourselves either.
Because of that, we grew very far apart from one another. There was no compassion. There was no patience. And that broke the connections between each of us in ways that took years to repair.
It took Larry and I going to counseling and really digging deep into ourselves to understand that we had to change. We could not keep blowing up and saying “I’m sorry” over and over again, because that had become nothing more than lip service. Real change meant going after the actual behaviors. It meant learning to pause, becoming self aware, and growing our emotional intelligence — even when that was incredibly hard and uncomfortable.
We do that now by labeling our emotions, recognizing when a trigger has happened, and pulling ourselves away from our family when we are in the middle of a reaction so that they are not on the receiving end of it.
I will be honest with you — all of this has taken us years. We did not get here overnight, and we are still not done. But without God, and without Him showing us in a very real and biblical way what it looks like to change and grow as parents and as partners, none of this would have ever happened for us.
There Is Always Hope
We still have trauma responses. Larry still has them. I still have them. Our kids still have them. But we are working every single day to be better — better for each other, better for our boys, and better for the people God has called us to serve through this ministry.
If your home looks anything like ours did, please hear me when I say this — there is always hope. God is always with you. He does not ask you to be perfect. He just asks you to take one step at a time, and He will walk every single one of those steps right alongside you. 🙏💛
For more information, please check out our social media on Facebook and Instagram under Relentless Warriors Legacy. You can also email us at relentlesswarriorslegacy@gmail.com — we would love to hear from you! We hope you have a wonderful week ahead. ❤️🩵🙏
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