PTSD Triggers almost ruined my marriage and family.

When PTSD Triggers Take Over Your Life

This week’s post is going to be a little different.

Throughout the week, we’ve talked about PTSD triggers, what they are, and how they work. If you’ve been following along on our social media, you’ve seen some of those discussions. Here on the blog, I want to share our personal experience with PTSD triggers and what they did to our marriage and family.

Larry and I have dealt with PTSD triggers for most of our marriage. The hardest part is that for nearly ten years, we didn’t even know that was what was happening. We had no idea what a trigger was, why we reacted the way we did, or how to fight back against it.

What we eventually learned was that we both had PTSD, but our triggers looked very different.

Larry’s triggers include loud noises, children (whether they are happy or upset), certain BBQ smells, crowds, prop planes, and some medical scenes. When he was triggered, it could lead to extreme anger, panic attacks, sleepless nights from night terrors, withdrawal, isolation, and hiding in distractions like his phone, hunting, fishing, or riding his motorcycle.

My biggest triggers are certain time periods throughout the year. The anniversaries of losing my parents and our twins, along with certain holidays, can hit me hard. When I am triggered, I experience extreme exhaustion, anger, insomnia, mood swings, and sometimes struggle to complete even basic tasks around the house.

For years, we lived in survival mode because of our triggers.

The triggers became our identity.

Our boys were living in survival mode too. They didn’t want to go out in public with us because they never knew what might happen. Larry could be triggered in public, and none of us knew when it was coming. Sometimes we avoided events altogether because one of us simply couldn’t handle them emotionally or physically.

Looking back now, I can see that PTSD wasn’t just affecting Larry and me. It was affecting our entire family.

One day, Larry was triggered, and things reached a point where I could no longer calm him down. I was exhausted. I was scared. I was done.

I took our boys and left.

I told Larry that I would not bring them home until he got help for his anger.

That day became a turning point in our story.

Larry started anger management and began learning what his triggers were and how to recognize them before they took over. He started processing some of the traumatic events he had carried for years. He also learned something important: just because a trigger doesn’t show up for a while doesn’t mean it’s gone.

Triggers don’t disappear simply because they have been quiet for a season.

Not long after Larry started counseling, I joined him for marriage counseling. It didn’t take long before I was diagnosed with PTSD as well. My triggers looked different, but they were just as destructive. Instead of exploding outwardly, I would sink into deep depression.

I had to learn how to recognize when I was being triggered and slowly fight my way back out.

The reality is that when two people are battling PTSD triggers inside the same marriage, things can become hopeless very quickly.

Triggers don’t just disappear.

Trust doesn’t magically rebuild itself.

Communication doesn’t automatically improve.

Those things have to be fought for.

This is what almost ended our marriage.

I was tired of the triggers. I was tired of what they were doing to our boys. Our children were becoming triggered too. They would withdraw, isolate themselves, drop their heads during conversations, and walk on eggshells around us.

Our family was broken into so many pieces that I couldn’t imagine how they could ever fit back together.

We felt completely alone.

But God never left us there.

One of the verses that carried us through those years was Psalm 23:4:

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”

God was walking through every trigger with us, even when we couldn’t see Him. As Larry and I began reaching for healing and trying to put the broken pieces of our lives back together, God provided the tools we needed to fight back against the triggers that had controlled us for so long.

He didn’t just walk with Larry and me. He walked with our boys too.

For so many years, our lives felt hopeless. We were frustrated, exhausted, and scared. We spent so much time reacting to triggers that we forgot what it felt like to truly live.

But God.

He walked with us through every trigger, every setback, every argument, and every painful memory. When we felt weak, He gave us strength. When we felt hopeless, He reminded us that He wasn’t finished with our story.

He strengthened our boys when they were hurting. He restored hope in Larry. He restored hope in me. He began restoring our marriage.

And He is still restoring our family today.

The healing didn’t happen overnight. Learning our triggers didn’t magically make them disappear. We still have triggers. We still have hard days. We still have moments when PTSD tries to pull us back into survival mode.

The difference is that PTSD no longer controls our lives.

Today, when triggers come, we have tools. We have awareness. We have communication. Most importantly, we have God.

Triggers no longer rule us.

We rule them.

Not because we are strong enough on our own, but because we are no longer fighting alone.

If PTSD has affected your marriage or your family, please hear this: there is hope. Healing is possible. It takes work, patience, and time, but God can restore what trauma has tried to destroy.

Keep walking.

The valley is not your destination.

And God is walking with you every step of the way.

For any questions, please reach out to Larry and me at relentlesswarriorslegacy@gmail.com

Also check out our Facebook and Instagram for more information on triggers.