Lost

Hello warriors, Watch Dog here,

Have any of you ever just felt, lost? I know I have, and here recently it been a rough go for my-self and Relentless also. We feel like life has gotten in the way for both of us. Everything from work, school, kids, sports, health, friends, vehicles and it seems like everything else that life can think of to through at us has gotten in our way. We have both been physically and mentally exhausted.

Today I was ready to give up and tell my boss off and just walk away from my job. (When I get tired, I tend to have a very short fuse) However I was able to keep my wits about me. Instead of reacting the way every fiber in my body wanted to, I was able to take a step back and take a breath. I asked God to help me stay calm, and just control myself. I went and did some work, stayed away from the boss for a bit and calmed down. Am I still upset, yes, do I still want to blow up, yes. However I am trying to keep in mind that it might not be my boss’s fault, he might be under some stress as well.

I realized that I haven’t been spending time in the good book, I haven’t been spending much time in prayer either. Which is crazy because God has recently opened a door for me that I couldn’t have imagined opening even just a year ago. I was able to step back today a realize I have been lost this past week, ALLOWING life to get in the way. Right now I am sitting here writing this BLOG because I am making myself make time for this. This cause is my passion, this is something God has given me, He has given me the honor to use my life experiences to help others. My choice right now is to stop the world, even just for a little while, and do this, because God has given it me, and I find joy it.

Will tomorrow be stressful, probably, but if I remember to look to God, I can get through it. I said all that to say this, When you feel lost, look to God. Ask God to “Quiet your world around you, and to open you up, to hear what He wants!” Look to God for comfort. Don’t be surprised if you do this and you receive a call from or run into an old friend that will put you in a good mood. It’s not a coincidence. It might be how God chooses to help you. God is good all the time, and He will help you when you need it, it just might not be how you expect.

God will guide you when you are lost, if you let Him. He will guide you, always if you will listen. When the world gets in the way, and before you know it, you are lost, don’t be afraid. Take a step back, take breath, quiet your world and listen to God!

Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be seasoned? Luke 14:34

In other words, life is good and working hard is good, but if work and life gets in the way and you feel lost (Lose your savour) God can re-season you.

For the Son of man is come to seek and save that which was lost. Luke 19:10

When you are lost, in your own head, or overwhelmed by life or the world, the Son came to seek and find you!

Watch Dog.

;IGY6

NO ONE FIGHTS ALONE

Our Twins in Heaven

Hey Warriors its Melissa here.

April 28th, 2016 is the day we lost our twin baby boys. The last two weeks this event has consumed me. I always dread their birthday because it is a clear reminder of what we lost. I remember things about that day like it was yesterday and other things are just a blur. I found out yesterday that there are some things I did not remember at all. Let me give you a run down of how that day went.

Lawrence and I were very excited to go to the doc that day to hear the heartbeat of what we though was one baby. We got into the room and the doc could not find the heartbeat with the small Doppler so he wanted to do an ultrasound since the baby was way up and in the back of my left side. He figured the baby was still campin out there and was to far back to hear the heart. Walking out of the room the doc asked if I wanted to know what we were having. (We had the genetic testing done because I was older and we wanted to be sure everything thing was good. The results came back fine.) I looked at the doc laughing and said that if it was another boy then don’t tell me. The doc laughed and said yes it was a little boy. We laughed and joked all the way to the ultrasound room. Needless to say we did not expect what was coming.

That laughing mood continued into the ultrasound room and even the tech was laughing. We got started and as I was looking at the screen I saw her going between two spots on my stomach. I looked up at the tech and asked if there were two babies in their. She replied yes. Then I saw her push down on one of the babies and the baby didn’t move. I then said that there was something wrong. Her reply was “yes, I am so sorry but they are both gone,” I remember the horrific look on her and the doctors face and both of them saying they were so sorry. At some point they had told us that the cords were tangled so tight that it cut off the blood supply to both babies. I did not remember that. We did ask if they were in the same sack. They were which also meant they were identical twins.

From there we talked about what needed to happen next. A DNC was not a great option because that could cause a lot of problems. There was no way I could even imagine miscarrying at home. The thought even now still rolls my stomach. So we decided I would be admitted to the hospital and miscarry under the care of a doc and nurses.

All I could do was cry and cry and cry. My heart hurt with the worst pain I had ever felt. The loss of my parents did not come close to this. Lawrence called family and close friends to give them the news. He went to get the boys and I made my way over to the hospital. Walking up to the labor and delivery ward I gave my name and I hear them call for a nurse and that this was a “tender care case”. My heart sank even more.

Once admitted and laying in that hospital bed, I had time to think. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that honestly I did not realize they were going to set me into labor. What I was starting to feel was anger. I was angry at God for taking my babies. I was angry at my body for not carrying these babies. Angry that I was in the situation and that we were going to have to tell the boys that their babies were gone. And of course I cried.

A while later Lawrence got to the hospital with the boys. I insisted that we tell them this news together. Aidan understood what was happening and he cried. Connor was upset. At this point I was not sure if my heart could be anymore broken. Lawrence found a sweet lady to sit with the boys while he was at the hospital with me.

The nurse got the process started and Lawrence and I settled in. A few hours later I felt what I thought was a contraction. No it couldn’t be. But it was. Remember when I said I did not know what was happening. Well I did not realize I was going to go through labor. I guess with being in shock, my mind did not go there. I was HORRIFIED. When my water broke I lost my mind. Finally we were at the point where I was delivering my sweet boys. Once they were out, the two amazing nurses asked me if I wanted to see the boys. Lawrence did not want me to but I had to.

What I should have done was hold the boys. Touched them and loved on them. That’s what I wish deep down in my soul that I had done. Looking at their tiny bodies and knowing they were gone. Longing for them to be strong and healthy. Wanting to hear them cry. Anything to heal my heart a bit but those moments never came. The other thing I should have done was kept the blanket the boys were laying on. Consumed by grief, shock, and worried about Lawrence and his PTSD, my brain could not think.

After everything was said and done, the nurses gave me something to make me sleep and honestly I needed it. When I woke up the next morning, those two sweet nurses had gotten me two teddy bears in remembrance of my boys. I cried again. I was relieved to go home, and I was so so grateful that I had three amazing boys waiting for me when I got there. Thank God for that one.

I have lots of regrets from that day. I still have lots of guilt about the whole situation. There is still a lot of healing to be done. I take things one day at a time. That whole day was traumatizing and now I am left trying to manage and deal with it. The pain is still there and I am not sure it will ever go away.

Happy 5th Heavenly Birthday James Theodore, and Gunner Dean! I miss and love you so much! One day I will hold you again.

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)

Grief and PTSD as a Friend

Hey Warriors,

Melissa here!!

Over the last few weeks in counseling Lawrence and I keep coming back to the topic of grief. Him and I both experience grief in different ways. As we were talking about it the counselor said that someone told him to embrace grief as a friend, not the enemy.

Now this baffled me. I could not imagine or fathom why anyone would want to look at grief as a friend. Grief is something I have always fought against. I fight against the reactions like exhaustion and anger what grief does to me. I fight against the thoughts and pain grief brings up. If it involves grief then I want to stay as far away from it as possible.

How many of you do that with the feelings and emotions you experience? You just bury it and do not deal with it and you dang sure don’t befriend it. You believe all those feelings and emotions are from Satan and none of it could ever be from God.

I think we feel like only the good emotions and feelings are from God. That he only brings joy and happiness. What if that were not the case? What if God gave us things like grief? That is a hard thing to imagine isn’t it. Why would God give us the things that are hard and do not feel good?

Well for one, so that we totally and completely rely on him. (I struggle with this, not because I do not trust God but because I forget to ask for help. Asking for help is something else I suck at) God wants us to bring him all our emotions and feelings. He wants us to tell him the good and the bad. He wants to walk through the happiness and celebrate with us but He also wants to comfort us and help us through the hard times.

The second reason he gives us these emotions and feelings is to help us grow. It is hard to grow when everything is great. When things get hard, is when we see what we can do. Do we live in it or do we move forward one step at a time? (Notice I did not say “See what we are made of”. We all handle things differently and ones strength is not measured by how they handle a situation}

This is where we can began to think about grief being a friend. What does that look like? I did not understand it until today. I saw grief as something that comes and goes just to torment me, but it is not like that at all. Grief comes in when I can handle it. Small waves or even big ones that I can work through and process a little at a time. This week that looked like lots of sleep from being completely exhausted because for the past few weeks I have just ignored my feelings instead of processing them. Pushing them down got me nowhere except for my body coming to a crashing halt, and total frustration about why my body was failing me. I did not walk with Grief as a friend, instead I fought it at every turn till it crushed me.

What are some things that grief can do for you? Hands down it is the one thing that shows you how much you loved the thing that is gone. It does not just have to be the loss of a person. You can grieve an animal, a relationship, a home, it can be anything. There are so many things you can grieve. Those sad or happy feelings grief brings on shows you that you miss what is lost and that is an amazing thing. The other thing grief can do is care for you enough to not give you all the feelings and emotions at once. It lets you process things slowly. Grief also leads you to healing. It gives you all the things to process and move forward. Grief wants you to thrive and not live in the hole of it. Grief walks with you, it does not fight against you.

If you hand a friend that you love so much and that friend showed you that love. That friend is gentle in telling you things. They want the very best for you and would walk though the situation with you. You would say that is a great friend to have around. It is a friendship you would welcome. Grief is that friend.

This can be for any emotion you have. Each has their purpose and that includes PTSD. Instead of fighting against it though, try walking with it one step at a time. The more you fight against it the worse you feel and the more Satan can attack your mind with all the evil things. Ask God for help and ask those around you. Don’t fear things like grief. God did not give us these feelings and emotions to fear but to grow and show his glory.

I hope this helps you today. If you are living with grief, depression, PTSD or all of the above, try walking with it and not fighting against it. It might just be the thing that gives you a whole new outlook on what you are going through and why you are going through it.

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Have a wonderful Day!!

Psalm 34:18 ESV The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)

The Center, Not the Priority

Hey Warriors its Melissa here,

I hope you are all doing well! Lawrence and I have had two great weeks of RWL meetings with some great men and women. Things here are great.

In today’s post I want to talk a bit about a piece of a book that had a really big impact on me. Yes I know Lawrence wrote on a book last week. We have both been doing a lot of reading lately.

I just finished reading this book called The Shack. It is a fictional story about God showing up as what we need him to be so that we are the most receptive to him. I am not going to go into great detail about the book but I will tell you it is an amazing read and it has made me see God in a completely different light and has really changed my perception of him and how he works.

What I do want to talk about today though is something that really made me think. In the book, the characters talk about making God a priority in our lives. That is how I always thought God wanted it. He wanted us to make Him our top priority. After reading the book, I have a different opinion of that now. Later I will tell you what this means for your marriage and family.

During the conversation in the book the main character Mack is talking to God about how God should be the priority in our lives. God’s reply to Mack was not what I expected. He told Mack that He wants to be more than a priority. If we put God on a list and put Him as #1, that’s all fine and great but then God asked what that would look like.

God does not want to just be on a list of things to check off everyday. That would mean we would spend our time with Him and then forget about Him the rest of the day. He is not something we just check off like any other task we are trying to accomplish. God wants more than that and He deserves more than that.

The other thing is that if He is made a priority on a list, then how much time does that require? How much is to much or not enough? God does not want to be looked at in that way. He does not want to be a stress or a burden.

So what does God really want? In the book, God told Mack He wants to be the center of everything in our day, not just a priority. He wants us to bring Him into everything we do, not just an hour or two every day. Spending time with Him is not supposed to be stressful, but peaceful. Time spent with Him is to build our relationship with Him, not put strain on it because we are trying to meet our own expectations of what we think needs to be done.

That thought right there blew my mind and dropped all the pressure I was putting on myself as I was trying to meet these huge expectations I was putting on myself. This whole idea took all the stress out of me trying to have the relationship I want with God. It is one less thing to make me feel like a failure. Who doesn’t need that in their life?

God wants to be with us 24/7 with no expectations. He is asking that we bring Him into every aspect of our day. That is something I can completely do. I pray off and on all day long for several different things. I keep Him with me know matter what I am doing.

What does that mean for my marriage? He can be the center of that too. I am taking Him everywhere so that means He is a big part of my marriage. Same with my kids. It has opened me up to talking to my kids about praying through things. Helping them understand how to make God the center of their life too. Families are stronger when God is at the center of it. Teaching my kids to be able to have a relationship with God that is not stressful is really important.

This also means that God wants to be at the center of our PTSD and depression. How AMAZING is that!! He does not want us walking through those horrible things along. That means we are NEVER alone even if we feel like we are. For me, that is a very comforting thought. It means that I can always lean on and rely on Him even when my depression and grief are at their worst.

I highly recommend the book “The Shack”. It was a life changing read for me and one of those books that I will read over and over. I never want to forget to put God at the center of my life and make Him a part of everything I do. It is amazing how much stress I was able to drop after taking all the pressure and expectations off of myself trying to force a relationship and time with God. I hope this helps you in your walk with God too.

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Proverbs 3:6 NLT 6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

Have a wonderful weekend,

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)

We are a Community

Hello to the Warriors out there, Watch Dog here.

I have started reading a book called “Spiritual DIRECTION” by Henri Nouwen. While reading the other night I read a passage that has really stuck with me. I would like to share this passage with everyone because it hit me right between the eyes. This short paragraph says what I have wanted to be able to say to people for years. (I just didn’t know the words) This is the paragraph “To those with serious struggles and burning questions, I want to reach out with compassion and say: “You seek answers to what can not be fully known. I don’t know either, but I will help you search. I offer no solutions, no final answers. I am as weak and limited as you are. But we are not alone. Where there is charity and love, God is there. Together, we form community. Together we continue the spiritual search.”

“To those with serious struggles and burning questions” These people are anyone who lives with PTSD or someone who cares for someone with PTSD. These numbers are unknown because so many people live with PTSD in silence. They refuse to ask for help, or they are scared to ask for help, or they don’t realize they need help yet.

“I want to reach out with compassion and say: You seek answers to what can not be fully known.” These issues can not be fully known because PTSD affects everyone differently. No person on Earth can fully know what you are going through.

“I don’t know either, but I will help you search.” Even though I have lived with PTSD myself now for 18 years, I do not know exactly what you are going through. I have some ideas because I have walked through those same dark paths, but not in your shoes.

“But I will help you search.” I got your six! I am willing to lace up my boots, jump down in that dark hole, and do battle with you. I will walk by your side until we find some light. We will fight your demons together.

“I offer no solution, no final answers.” I do not have the cure all pill, I can not fix what is going on in your head. I can promise to help you and support you while you are working to figure it out. It is a very long and hard battle, but with battle buddies or wing men the battle is a little easier.

“I am as weak and limited as you are.” I have been beat down, and lost my-self. I can not win my battles or defeat my demons on my own either. I depend on a team to help me too.

“But we are not alone.” You are not alone in this fight. There are people who are willing to help, who want to help.

“Where there is charity and love, God is there.” People who help others is charity and they do the charity freely because it comes from a place of love. This is all guided by the love of God. If God is with you, who can be against you?

“Together, we form community.” If a person is alone they are much easier to defeat, but when there is a community, we are so much stronger together. A single thread can break with ease, but a three fold cord does not easily break. If a person is alone and stumbles and falls who is there to lend a hand? If someone in the community falls there are brothers and sisters there to help them back up.

“Together we continue the spiritual search.” Together we can stay strong and continue to seek a way out of the darkness and back into the light.

This was a very heart touching paragraph for me. I truly hope you all gained some strength and or some insight from it. God bless you all.

Remember God loves you and we love you.

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Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 ESV Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Watch Dog.

New Beginnings

Hey Warriors,

Its Melissa here!

First off let me apologize for us not putting out a post last week. We were out of town and then under the weather and exhausted. Thank you for your understanding!!

Today I want to talk about new beginnings. That topic has been on my mind a lot the last few days. Easter is right around the corner and with that comes the biggest new beginning in history with the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. He gave us an eternal new beginning by dying for us on the cross and saving us all from our sins. What I want to talk to you about though is how new beginnings can happen from day to day.

My ultimate goal in life is to just be better tomorrow than I was today. Seems simple right! In reality it is not. When you are dealing with things like depression and PTSD, finding a new beginning can be extremely hard. Day to day life with PTSD can be difficult and things can go wrong a lot. Those to deep into the depression or PTSD may not be able to see that tomorrow is a new day.

This past week depression hit me pretty bad along with feeling under the weather. This caused me to feel sad all the time, snappy with Lawrence and our boys, sleeping a lot, and not doing basic tasks each day. I knew I was depressed but was struggling to pull out of it. My trigger is periods of time like the anniversary of deaths and birthdays. My mom’s birthday is coming up and so is the birthday of our twin boys that we lost. The depressing feelings is my bodies way of reminding me that the grief is still here and that I have to deal and manage it as best I can.

One of the first things I tell myself is that tomorrow is a new day. I can always start over tomorrow and make it better than the day before. This might just mean I get a shower or cook dinner in that day. It means that even if I slip up and get angry or cry, that I do not have to do that same thing the next day. I can make that next day better by giving myself some grace and knowing that I do not have to live in that depression for long periods of time. I make the conscious choice to make the next day better.

Sometimes one day at a time is all we can do. We can take it one hour at a time or minute at a time if we have to. Its okay also if that next day does not go as planned because you still have another chance and day to make things better. Its all about the choice you make. Jesus chose to die for us to give us a new beginning. He gave us that choice and we should do all we can to make sure we make the best choices possible.

Thank you for joining us today. Please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe!! Also find more inspiration and support on Instagram and Facebook under Relentless Warriors Legacy.

John 3:16-17 ESV “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Melissa McGuire ( Relentless)

Inner Battle: Good Wolf V/S Bad Wolf

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A while back I heard a story that goes like this, An old man told his grandson, “My son, there is an endless battle that goes on inside all of us. It is between two wolves. One wolf is bad – he is anger, envy, regret, greed, arrogance, resentment, lies, superiority and ego. The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old man answered, “The one you feed.”

I have found this story to ring true throughout my life. These last couple of weeks I have been feeding the bad wolf. Relentless and I were at a therapy session (yes we go to counseling and yes it has helped our marriage tremendously). I had a breakthrough and I was able to realize that I have been feeding the bad wolf. I was able to that that being in “good place” or being in a “bad place” is up to your-self. It is a choice that you make. If you are watching shows, movies, listening to music or playing games that are negative, there is a very good chance that you are going to reflect negativity., If you allow positive things in you will reflect will be more positive.

I heard another story the other day. It was it is easy to see red trucks, if you are looking for a red truck. It is easy to evil things happening in the world if you are looking for evil things. If you are always looking for evil things to happen, you will miss the good things that may be happening right in front of your face. When I fall into my dark places, I realized that all I focus on is the bad things and completely overlook all the good things. What I choose to allow into my life is is what I project out.

I know this sounds so simple and easy, but let me tell you, it isn’t. So if you are ever in this position, understand you are not alone. This is a common thing, but a lot of people don’t realize it. A person can’t fix something if they don’y know there is a problem. This will become easier the more you pay attention to it, and the more you work on it. You will probably have setbacks, but understand that it is okay. It may take a little more effort on your part, but in the long run it is worth it.

One other thing I have realized over the years as well is that my attitude changes a lot depending the people I am around. If I am around negative people during the day, I tend be agitated when I get home. Try to be aware of who you are around. If you have to be around negative people during the day, try to stop off somewhere before you go home. Stop and listen to some water running in a creek, or watch the trees blow in the wind before you go home. You will be surprised at just how much better you will feel, if you take 5-10 minutes for relax and take a few calming breathes before you go home. (This is time the good wolf is able to be fed)

I hope this is able to help someone out there, I feel this message was meant for me to write.

Please like, follow, and leave comments on this page if you like or feel this post is helpful.

God Bless.

Watch Dog

Dark Places

Hey Warriors,

Watch Dog here.

This week I had planned on writing a continuation piece from Anger from the caregiver’s perspective. I have been struggling to write this. I tried several times to write this and I keep going in a different direction. Relentless told me to follow where my heart is leading me for this post, so here we go. Last warning, this is going to get real.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever tried to write. I have been all over the place with my emotions today. I have cried (more than once).   I have been pissed, sad, hurt, confused and totally lost. I have cussed myself out, I have kicked a wall and read my Bible. This is really difficult for me, because for the first time in my life, I am forcing myself to face these emotions, and try to name and understand them. I have so much inside my head right now, and I don’t know how to get it out. I don’t know the words to express what they are. Before I would block them out and try to pretend nothing is happening, I would hide this. (Or at least try to)

When I read “Anger from a caregivers perspective”, I went back into a very dark place that I didn’t even know still existed in myself. Well it is still here and it has not gotten any weaker, it has gotten stronger and darker. I am not liking where I am right now, at all. This is going to be a tough climb back out of this abyss. I am worn out and not sure how much strength I have left to fight. I am tired and frustrated and I want to give up. But I understand that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.

I have said that even with all the crap I have been through and how hard it has been, I wouldn’t change a thing because it is what made me who I am today. Well that is complete BS! There is something I would change. My wife and my children didn’t sign up for this. I have hurt them tremendously throughout the years. If I could take all that away I would, I don’t care the cost.

I looked at a picture the other day from the day my oldest son was born. It broke my heart, because I don’t recognize the young man holding him. I want to be that guy again. I want to be the young man that has no fear. As long as I had my family, I could take on the world. Instead all I can see is a man who has put his family through hell. My kids fear me because they don’t know how I will react to situations. My wife doesn’t trust me to be alone because she doesn’t know if I will be triggered and freak out. Too much of their lives are spent worrying about me. I see a man that isn’t useful in life like I used to be. Damn it, I’m the man of the house, I am supposed to be the protector of my family. Yet I’m afraid that one day they will open their eyes and realize that I’m not worth the problems I bring to the table.

I told you I was going to be real. I have faith and hope that this is just a storm right now and it will run out of rain. I am just so tired, mentally and physically. I’m hurting. I hate that I have put my family through the ringer. I wish I could be the young man I used to be, the one I liked. The one who was so excited to see what the next chapter would bring in our lives. I am still excited to see what the next chapter in our lives will bring, but now I have so much fear. Fear of hurting those close to me yet again. Fear of losing more of myself than I already have. Fear of losing the few people left in my life that matter. Fear of being alone! Alone with nothing but the demons in my head that keep finding ways to try and destroy me.

I’m sorry for everything I have put my family through. I am grateful that I still have a family that loves me, despite who I am. I am blessed that they see who I want to be, and that they understand things that they shouldn’t have to. This has been the hardest thing I have ever written and I hope that maybe it can help someone else who is feeling the same way. After putting a lot of this into words  I am already feeling some relief. Getting these emotions out has been tough, but therapeutic.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I want others to know that they are not alone. It is better to work thought these feelings than to bottle them up and push them down.

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2 Corinthians 4:8-9 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Lawrence McGuire (Watch Dog)

Anger From the Caregivers Perspective

Melissa here! Today I want to talk about something really personal. It is hard for me to open up about certain topics. This one is one of them. I want to talk about the anger a caregiver of someone with PTSD can feel. We are going to dive in deep with this one. It will probably be hard to read but it might also helps another caregiver not feel so alone.

Caregivers go through a range of emotions. We have to have a support system. A friend of mine and I talk a lot about what we go through with our husbands who both have PTSD. We are each others support system. One because we are great friends and have been for a long time, but also because we are walking the same journey with PTSD. It is easy for us to understand what the other is going through when our husbands are struggling. One of the biggest things we talk about is how angry it makes us. I will not be telling her side of things because that is her story to tell, but I will talk about my side of things.

Anger is something that everyone experiences at one time or another. It is a very strong emotion and can be triggered pretty easy. Remember last week we said that anger is a secondary emotion. There is always something deeper going on than the person just being angry. This is the case when it comes to the caregivers of those with PTSD. It is never just about the anger.

One major underlying emotion I have when it comes to my roll as a caregiver is frustration. I get frustrated when I see Lawrence heading in a downward spiral and I can not stop it. Along with frustration I get worried and scared because I do not know how far down Lawrence will fall. All these emotions come out as anger.

I also get frustrated that we have to go through this journey at all. This journey is hard and can be exhausting. No it is not anyone’s fault, but that does not take away that frustration. I know God has a plan for us but I still get those feelings when we are in the thick of PTSD and everything that brings with it.

Another emotion I feel is that I get resentful. I get to where I resent Lawrence for struggling. I resent the way his PTSD sometimes consumes my life and the life of my kids. I resent that things become all about him. When I get this way I turn to yelling and screaming because I can not communicate this one in a healthy manor.

While you might not think any of these feelings are right, they are. They are also normal. I do feel guilty for feeling the way I do, but you can not go through a life altering thing in life and not have feelings and emotions about it. Even if those feelings and emotions seem to be wrong or nasty. Trust me I do not want to feel this way because Lawrence never asked for this. No one does.

The feeling of anger, frustration, and resentment can not be pushed down and not dealt with. I talk with my friend often to deal with the anger. I also try hard to open up to Lawrence too. That one is hard because I do not want him to feel guilty about his PTSD. It is not his fault I feel the way I do at times. It is just the course that PTSD takes us on. Caregivers tend to bottle things up and not voice how they feel. They must though. It makes them better caregivers. Caregivers must take care of their mental health too, not just the person with PTSD. They also must understand that their feelings are normal and that it is okay to not be okay. A support system is key for this. I am blessed to have a friend who is going though similar things with PTSD. I am also blessed to have a husband who tries to listen. Counselors help too. Just find someone to talk to. It will make your caregiver relationship better with the one you are taking care of.

Thank you for joining me today. Please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe. Also find us on Facebook and Instagram under Relentless Warriors Legacy.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.”

Have a great weekend,

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)

The Emotion Wheel

Hello Warriors, Watch Dog here,

As we continue our discussions about relationships and communications, this week we are going to discuss emotions. This is a very touchy or tricky subject for me personally. For years I lived my life only utilizing two emotions; Happy and Angry. I have come to the realization that a lot of men only use these two emotions, and that really sucks!!!! It is not just men who experience this train of thought. Those with PTSD, depression and anxiety also think like this. The other thing that goes against us when looking at emotions is how we are raised. Many generations have taught their kids to not deal with their emotions. I was taught that as a man you are to be strong and tough and exposing emotions such as sadness is not acceptable. Kids throw temper tantrums because they do not know how to label and process their emotions. If we can teach young kids how to label and process emotions then communicating later in life can be a lot easier.

When I started going to anger management therapy, one of the first things that was offered to me was an Emotion Wheel. This is basically a Pie Chart divided into several sections. Each section is composed of 138 different emotions. Yes I said 138! As a man I didn’t know there were more than 5 or 6 emotions. I’m sure most women knew there many more than 5 or 6 because us as men can cause a lot of different emotions. Let’s look at this from a bigger perspective. (This is not an easy thing for me) if we look back at the communication wheel alone, how much easier would communication be if we know and can label all these different emotions? It would make an earth shattering difference.

A few years ago I would tell Melissa that I was pissed, and she would ask me why I was pissed. I did not have an answer. If I couldn’t give her an answer then how are we going to communicate effectively? How ever if I knew how to tell her that I felt disrespected or humiliated and that is why I was pissed, that would change things.

Lets look at the wheel. There are 3 different tiers to the wheel. Each tier leads to deeper emotions. You start in the very center of the wheel. Chose your basic emotion or emotions. Lets use anger as an example. Most people just jump to the emotion of anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. That means there is always something causing that the anger. So once you pin point the basic emotion, then go to the second tier. The cause of the anger could be aggression or frustration. From there you can break it down even more and look at the third tier. The deeper you can go and the more you can label the emotions you are feeling and why, the better your communication can be. It also helps lead to solutions. Young kids can be taught this too. Teaching them how to label exactly how they are feeling can help them express what their true need is. After time they learn to be more direct and skip the temper tantrums all together because the can express exactly what they need.

Remember last week when we looked at the Awareness Wheel. There is a FEELINGS section. This is where the Emotions Wheel comes in. When you are having a discussion using the Listening Cycle, and the Awareness Wheel, this Emotion Wheel is just one more tool to help with the discussion. Melissa and I use this all the time especially if it is a difficult conversation. We know that we are both on the same page with these tools. It has drastically changed how we argue and communicate in general.

Learning these different emotions has helped us relay how we are feeling in a productive manner with a better description than just being angry. Open lines of communications can and will lead to fewer arguments. All of the topics from the last couple of weeks, combined can truly change your relationship! We hope all of this talk about communication has helped and that these things are tools you can use in all your relationships.

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Ephesians 4: 26-27 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

We love you all and look forward to hearing from you,

Watch Dog