Hey Warriors,

Watch Dog here.

This week I had planned on writing a continuation piece from Anger from the caregiver’s perspective. I have been struggling to write this. I tried several times to write this and I keep going in a different direction. Relentless told me to follow where my heart is leading me for this post, so here we go. Last warning, this is going to get real.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever tried to write. I have been all over the place with my emotions today. I have cried (more than once).   I have been pissed, sad, hurt, confused and totally lost. I have cussed myself out, I have kicked a wall and read my Bible. This is really difficult for me, because for the first time in my life, I am forcing myself to face these emotions, and try to name and understand them. I have so much inside my head right now, and I don’t know how to get it out. I don’t know the words to express what they are. Before I would block them out and try to pretend nothing is happening, I would hide this. (Or at least try to)

When I read “Anger from a caregivers perspective”, I went back into a very dark place that I didn’t even know still existed in myself. Well it is still here and it has not gotten any weaker, it has gotten stronger and darker. I am not liking where I am right now, at all. This is going to be a tough climb back out of this abyss. I am worn out and not sure how much strength I have left to fight. I am tired and frustrated and I want to give up. But I understand that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.

I have said that even with all the crap I have been through and how hard it has been, I wouldn’t change a thing because it is what made me who I am today. Well that is complete BS! There is something I would change. My wife and my children didn’t sign up for this. I have hurt them tremendously throughout the years. If I could take all that away I would, I don’t care the cost.

I looked at a picture the other day from the day my oldest son was born. It broke my heart, because I don’t recognize the young man holding him. I want to be that guy again. I want to be the young man that has no fear. As long as I had my family, I could take on the world. Instead all I can see is a man who has put his family through hell. My kids fear me because they don’t know how I will react to situations. My wife doesn’t trust me to be alone because she doesn’t know if I will be triggered and freak out. Too much of their lives are spent worrying about me. I see a man that isn’t useful in life like I used to be. Damn it, I’m the man of the house, I am supposed to be the protector of my family. Yet I’m afraid that one day they will open their eyes and realize that I’m not worth the problems I bring to the table.

I told you I was going to be real. I have faith and hope that this is just a storm right now and it will run out of rain. I am just so tired, mentally and physically. I’m hurting. I hate that I have put my family through the ringer. I wish I could be the young man I used to be, the one I liked. The one who was so excited to see what the next chapter would bring in our lives. I am still excited to see what the next chapter in our lives will bring, but now I have so much fear. Fear of hurting those close to me yet again. Fear of losing more of myself than I already have. Fear of losing the few people left in my life that matter. Fear of being alone! Alone with nothing but the demons in my head that keep finding ways to try and destroy me.

I’m sorry for everything I have put my family through. I am grateful that I still have a family that loves me, despite who I am. I am blessed that they see who I want to be, and that they understand things that they shouldn’t have to. This has been the hardest thing I have ever written and I hope that maybe it can help someone else who is feeling the same way. After putting a lot of this into words  I am already feeling some relief. Getting these emotions out has been tough, but therapeutic.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I want others to know that they are not alone. It is better to work thought these feelings than to bottle them up and push them down.

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2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ⁸We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Lawrence McGuire (Watch Dog)

Melissa here! Today I want to talk about something really personal. It is hard for me to open up about certain topics. This one is one of them. I want to talk about the anger a caregiver of someone with PTSD can feel. We are going to dive in deep with this one. It will probably be hard to read but it might also helps another caregiver not feel so alone.

Caregivers go through a range of emotions. We have to have a support system. A friend of mine and I talk a lot about what we go through with our husbands who both have PTSD. We are each others support system. One because we are great friends and have been for a long time, but also because we are walking the same journey with PTSD. It is easy for us to understand what the other is going through when our husbands are struggling. One of the biggest things we talk about is how angry it makes us. I will not be telling her side of things because that is her story to tell, but I will talk about my side of things.

Anger is something that everyone experiences at one time or another. It is a very strong emotion and can be triggered pretty easy. Remember last week we said that anger is a secondary emotion. There is always something deeper going on than the person just being angry. This is the case when it comes to the caregivers of those with PTSD. It is never just about the anger.

One major underlying emotion I have when it comes to my roll as a caregiver is frustration. I get frustrated when I see Lawrence heading in a downward spiral and I can not stop it. Along with frustration I get worried and scared because I do not know how far down Lawrence will fall. All these emotions come out as anger.

I also get frustrated that we have to go through this journey at all. This journey is hard and can be exhausting. No it is not anyone’s fault, but that does not take away that frustration. I know God has a plan for us but I still get those feelings when we are in the thick of PTSD and everything that brings with it.

Another emotion I feel is that I get resentful. I get to where I resent Lawrence for struggling. I resent the way his PTSD sometimes consumes my life and the life of my kids. I resent that things become all about him. When I get this way I turn to yelling and screaming because I can not communicate this one in a healthy manor.

While you might not think any of these feelings are right, they are. They are also normal. I do feel guilty for feeling the way I do, but you can not go through a life altering thing in life and not have feelings and emotions about it. Even if those feelings and emotions seem to be wrong or nasty. Trust me I do not want to feel this way because Lawrence never asked for this. No one does.

The feeling of anger, frustration, and resentment can not be pushed down and not dealt with. I talk with my friend often to deal with the anger. I also try hard to open up to Lawrence too. That one is hard because I do not want him to feel guilty about his PTSD. It is not his fault I feel the way I do at times. It is just the course that PTSD takes us on. Caregivers tend to bottle things up and not voice how they feel. They must though. It makes them better caregivers. Caregivers must take care of their mental health too, not just the person with PTSD. They also must understand that their feelings are normal and that it is okay to not be okay. A support system is key for this. I am blessed to have a friend who is going though similar things with PTSD. I am also blessed to have a husband who tries to listen. Counselors help too. Just find someone to talk to. It will make your caregiver relationship better with the one you are taking care of.

Thank you for joining me today. Please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe. Also find us on Facebook and Instagram under Relentless Warriors Legacy.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.”

Have a great weekend,

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)

Hello Warriors, Watch Dog here,

As we continue our discussions about relationships and communications, this week we are going to discuss emotions. This is a very touchy or tricky subject for me personally. For years I lived my life only utilizing two emotions; Happy and Angry. I have come to the realization that a lot of men only use these two emotions, and that really sucks!!!! It is not just men who experience this train of thought. Those with PTSD, depression and anxiety also think like this. The other thing that goes against us when looking at emotions is how we are raised. Many generations have taught their kids to not deal with their emotions. I was taught that as a man you are to be strong and tough and exposing emotions such as sadness is not acceptable. Kids throw temper tantrums because they do not know how to label and process their emotions. If we can teach young kids how to label and process emotions then communicating later in life can be a lot easier.

When I started going to anger management therapy, one of the first things that was offered to me was an Emotion Wheel. This is basically a Pie Chart divided into several sections. Each section is composed of 138 different emotions. Yes I said 138! As a man I didn’t know there were more than 5 or 6 emotions. I’m sure most women knew there many more than 5 or 6 because us as men can cause a lot of different emotions. Let’s look at this from a bigger perspective. (This is not an easy thing for me) if we look back at the communication wheel alone, how much easier would communication be if we know and can label all these different emotions? It would make an earth shattering difference.

A few years ago I would tell Melissa that I was pissed, and she would ask me why I was pissed. I did not have an answer. If I couldn’t give her an answer then how are we going to communicate effectively? How ever if I knew how to tell her that I felt disrespected or humiliated and that is why I was pissed, that would change things.

Lets look at the wheel. There are 3 different tiers to the wheel. Each tier leads to deeper emotions. You start in the very center of the wheel. Chose your basic emotion or emotions. Lets use anger as an example. Most people just jump to the emotion of anger. Anger is a secondary emotion. That means there is always something causing that the anger. So once you pin point the basic emotion, then go to the second tier. The cause of the anger could be aggression or frustration. From there you can break it down even more and look at the third tier. The deeper you can go and the more you can label the emotions you are feeling and why, the better your communication can be. It also helps lead to solutions. Young kids can be taught this too. Teaching them how to label exactly how they are feeling can help them express what their true need is. After time they learn to be more direct and skip the temper tantrums all together because the can express exactly what they need.

Remember last week when we looked at the Awareness Wheel. There is a FEELINGS section. This is where the Emotions Wheel comes in. When you are having a discussion using the Listening Cycle, and the Awareness Wheel, this Emotion Wheel is just one more tool to help with the discussion. Melissa and I use this all the time especially if it is a difficult conversation. We know that we are both on the same page with these tools. It has drastically changed how we argue and communicate in general.

Learning these different emotions has helped us relay how we are feeling in a productive manner with a better description than just being angry. Open lines of communications can and will lead to fewer arguments. All of the topics from the last couple of weeks, combined can truly change your relationship! We hope all of this talk about communication has helped and that these things are tools you can use in all your relationships.

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Ephesians 4: 26-27 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

We love you all and look forward to hearing from you,

Watch Dog

We have a few more weeks of talking about communication. There is a lot to cover when we look at how we speak and listen to one another. This week we are looking at the Awareness Wheel. This goes hand and hand with the Listening Cycle that we talked about last week. It is another effective tool to use when communicating to another person in a healthy manner. You can find all kinds of blank wheels. My advice is that you print one out and make a few copies to physically write it out a few times. This is a strategy that needs to be practiced. It will not come natural.

The first space we are going to start at on the wheel is the Issue. What is the problem we are looking at? The example we are going to use in this post is of a messy garage. A husband walks out into the garage and it is a hot mess. (yes I know that normally it would be the wife complaining about a messy garage but bare with me.) The first thing you must do is tell the other person what the issue is.

The next space on the wheel that you will go to is the Sensory Data part. In this section you want to be very descriptive. Lets look at the husband in our example. He is going to tell his wife that he can see the garage is messy. Now he is going to describe the mess. He can tell her that he can see bags of clothes out there that need to be donated. There is lots of empty boxes that need to be thrown away. Tools are sitting everywhere and not in their spots. Be as detailed as possible.

In the next section, you will state your Thoughts. This comes in the form of beliefs and interpretations. In this section the husband might say things like “there is no room to park cars” or ” I believe you are not putting the tools back where they go”. Remember this though, just because a person has a belief or observation, it does not make that person right. Everyone sees things differently.

This next section can be hard. It is the Feelings section. This is where you have to dig deep especially if it is a serious issue. Remember that anger is a secondary emotion and there is always something deeper when it comes to anger. This is where the husband will tell the wife how he feels about the state of the garage. The garage makes him feel anxious and confined. It makes him feel disrespected because he likes to have that space for himself. The husband might be disappointed because he had the garage clean and now it is a mess. These are all things that the husband is genuinely feeling and they must not be downplayed or cast aside. He is owning his emotions. Owning and admitting emotions can be a heard thing to do.

The Wants section can be pretty easy. What do you want for yourself, the other person, and the two of you together? What is the hope for the outcome of the situation? What goals can be set? We all have wants and goals for things. Now we get to state them. The husband can tell the wife that he wants to be able to find his tools. He hopes that she can be more organized. He would love it if they could both park in the garage. These are all goals that can be looked at and talked about.

Finally, we can look at the Actions that were and can be taken. This is divided into looking at past, present and future actions. You get to find a solution to the problem. Look at how this issue was handled in the past. Obviously, how the wife was doing things in the garage was not helping keep it clean but maybe the husband was not helping much either. Those actions have gotten them to their present issue. Now we can look toward what the future can hold for this garage. The husband might suggest a bin to put the tools in and then every month him or the wife can go put them all where they belong. The wife can make it a priority to take the unwanted clothes to the donation place as soon as she is done purging. They both can make sure that the boxes are making it out on trash day. These are all great solutions that they both played an active roll in coming up with.

All of theses sections of the Awareness Wheel can be done without all the yelling and blaming. The wheel drives the conversation and keeps things right on track. You are only looking at the issue in the center of the wheel and nothing else.

The Listening Cycle goes hand in hand with the Awareness Wheel. In the garage issue the wife is going through the Listening Cycle while the husband is going through the Awareness Wheel. Each is speaking and listening and the tools they are using are moving the conversation forward. If they stick to their action plan, then the issue will not come up again.

Thank you for joining us today. Next week we will be looking at labeling emotions. That is something that people with PTSD have problems doing. Please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe. Also find us on Facebook and Instagram under Relentless Warriors Legacy.

Ephesians 4:25 ESV Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

Melissa McGuire

(Relentless)

;IGY6

We are spending the month talking about relationships and communication. This is Melissa and I am sharing with you today the listening cycle. This cycle has been a corner stone in communication between Lawrence and I.

We fight hard when we do fight. I mean really hard. I am a yeller. When I get angry and frustrated, it comes out as yelling. Lawrence shuts down when I start yelling. So that means that nothing gets solved and we are both left still angry and frustrated. This is not a healthy or productive way to communicate.

When we started counseling with Chaplin Claypool he introduced us to the Listening Cycle.

This cycle helps people actively listen. If you are not in a place where you can really listen to what is being said, then you are not ready to communicate. Listening is just as important as what the speaker is saying. James 1:19 ESV Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;. This verse says everything you need to know about the Listening Cycle.

In this cycle, you have one person doing the speaking and one doing the listening. Both are important and you must follow the cycle for things to move forward productively. The listener will follow the cycle. First, be attentive. Look at the person who is speaking, listen to the words they are saying WITHOUT interrupting, and track the conversation. Next, acknowledge what the speaker is saying. Know that what the speaker is saying is important to them. Do not minimize what they are talking about and how they are feeling. Show active listening. The listener can nod their head or respond with kind yeses, and okays. Once the speaker is done, the listener can invite more information. Ask the speaker to tell them more.

Now this next part is extremely important. The listener must summarize what the speak has said. Things can get really lost in translation. Again, the listener can not minimize the seriousness of the issue and what the speaker has said. Also the listener might not have understood things correctly and when they summarize what they have heard, they might miss what the speaker is saying. This does not happen intentionally. People think differently which means they also hear differently. Lawrence and I realized through this cycle that we both communicate very differently. We do not really hear what each other says. So the summarizing part is important for us to make sure we have a complete understanding of what the other is saying.

The final step is for the listener to ask questions. Also another important thing in making sure there is complete understanding.

There is also another step to this. The TIME OUT! If things get to heated and yelling starts to happen then take a time out and come back to the discussion. But you have to come back to the discussion. If you do not you can spend years fighting over the same thing. That is not healthy or productive. It is okay to take a time out and is better than yelling and screaming at each other. Remind each other that this is suppose to be a calm way to communicate.

This cycle has changed the way Lawrence and I fight. Rarely do we end up in a yelling match. We do not push each other’s buttons with this cycle. It keeps us on task and on the current issue. We try as hard as we can to not bring up the past. We throw out that Rolodex that I talked about a few weeks ago. This cycle does what the Bible says in James. It slows things down in an argument so that people can be slow to speak and slow to anger. This makes all the difference in the world when it comes to communication.

Next week we will cover the Awareness Wheel and how this goes along with the Listening Cycle. If you have any questions please ask! You can find us on Instagram and Facebook under Relentless Warriors Legacy. Also please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)

;IGY6

Hello Warriors, Watch Dog here,

As we are continuing our discussions about communication and relationships, I am going to tackle some issues with Marriage! What do I know about marriage one might ask? I have been married to Relentless for coming up on 20 years. I would say I know a little about the subject. (I do mean a little, very little) God on the other hand knows a whole lot about the subject. Shoot He is the one who created it. Relentless and I tell people that we have been married for 19 years, but it only feels like 5 minutes, UNDER WATER! (LOL) Enough of the jokes, lets get to the point here.

In a biblical marriage, the husband is the head of the household. Those words are in the Bible in a couple of different places, so it has to be true. Ephesians 5:22-24 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands.” Now men DO NOT go and get a big head about this and think that you can rule your wife with an iron fist. Just like everything there is more to the story. Verse 25 goes on to say “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

Fellas, this means that you MUST respect your wives, honor your wives, love your wives. I heard a preacher one time several years back at a wedding say that “the man is the head of the house and that is so that God can slap him on the side of head when he messes up.” If we do not treat our wives with dignity and respect, God will show his anger to you, and He might just use her to express it to you! I will not lie and say I have always treated Melissa with the utmost respect (God knows I have not) but as I age, I continue to try and show her what she means to me.

“Therefor a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband”. (Ephesians 5:31-33) I have started to figure out that if Relentless feels loved, apricated, respected there is no issues with her respecting me. That is how a marriage is supposed to be. And to think it only took me 20 years to figure that out.

Next week we will continue on with our talks of marriage, relationships and communication. Please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe. Also find us on Facebook and Instagram.

We love you all, God Bless

Watch Dog Out

;IGY6

Relationships can be a tricky thing even when there isn’t outside interference. Then when you add in something like PTSD or depression, having healthy relationships and keeping them is a whole other ball game.

This is Melissa and I hope you all are well,

Over the next few weeks Lawrence and I will be talking about relationships and communication. We are holding an event with a guest speaker on Tuesday February 2, 2021 at our church at 6 pm. The speaker is our counselor Chaplin Todd Claypool. This man helped save our marriage by teaching Lawrence and I how to communicate better in our marriage. (Discovered we didn’t communicate)

Would you believe we were married for 17 years and figured out that we were not ever communicating with each other. We would talk but we were not effectively communicating in a way that the other person could truly hear the other. This is why we argued a lot and why the same problems came up over and over again.

In this post, I am going to talk about one of the major things I would do that was not a healthy or productive way of communicating. Maybe some of you do this one major thing too and it is a hard one to fix. If you can keep your emotions in check and not do this one major thing, it can make all the difference in the world when communicating with others.

I am a very vocal person. Most of the time Lawrence does not have to guess what I am thinking or feeling because I do not have a problem telling him. The problem is through most of our marriage I would let several little things build up and then explode. In that explosion, I would tell Lawrence all the things I was having issues with over the last few months. Was it right, NO. It was not healthy either. Having all the pent up rage and anger caused me to yell and scream and demand results. I would use what some people would call a Rolodex that is hidden deep in my brain that held everything in it that I felt Lawrence had done wrong in our marriage. Every time we would argue I would pull out that Rolodex and call him out on it.

It is not right to hold things against a person over and over again. We tend to do that though when we feel the situation was not handled the way we think it should have been. So the anger stays for those events and then we bring them up over and over again. Bad thing is, a lot of those things we pull out of that Rolodex will never be solved. What do we do with it then?

Well this is where forgiveness comes in. How many of you just shook your head and said “nope I will not forgive for this reason or that reason.”? If you did, then you are saying the same thing I have said for years. Remember this though, forgiveness is not for the other person, IT’S FOR YOURSELF! Yep that’s right. It’s for you and not them. While some people will ask for forgiveness, most will not. Letting go and forgiving is a great way to remove that situation from your Rolodex. That is a great step forward in communicating better.

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was to not use that Rolodex ever. The Rolodex is a low blow. When you are in a disagreement you need to concentrate on the current issue, and not all the other issues from the past. To do this you must really work on controlling your emotions and think before you speak. It means slowing the disagreement down and really thinking about why you or the other person is so upset. Do not discard the other person’s feelings. They are valid. Do not throw things in their face though either. That will get you no where.

PTSD makes this even harder. It is hard to control your emotions at times especially when a lot of it just comes out as anger and aggression. There is a good possibility that you might have to walk away to calm down then go back to the conversation with a level head. If this is the case, you need to respectfully express this to the other person. Set the boundary so the other person will respect it. It is okay to set that boundary, just know that it might not always work.

If you are the person that uses your “Rolodex of things done wrong” then throw it out the window. It is not fair to the other person or yourself. If you have that Rolodex, work through it and try to get to a place of forgiveness even if the person has never asked for it. It is not worth your time, energy, and peace anymore. When you do not reach for that Rolodex during an argument you will stay on the main issue at that time. That does not mean the same issue will not come up again, it just means you can have a productive conversation about it without other things getting in the way.

Relationships and communication go hand and hand. It is important to communicate effectively so that those relationships can be as strong as possible.

Join us next week for more relationship and communication talk! Thank you for joining us today. Please Like, Share, Comment and Subscribe!! Also find us on Facebook and Instagram under Relentless Warriors Legacy.

Enjoy your weekend!

James 1:19 (ESV) Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;

Melissa McGuire (Relentless)

Hey Warriors!! It’s Melissa and I wanted to give you some insight into what I went through last week. What should have been a great week, did not really turn out that way.

Last week was my 41st birthday. I am not afraid to tell my age or that at the end of December I weighted 290 pounds because those are two things that are part of my journey and story. It is the heaviest I have ever been and I was having all kinds of issues because of my weight and age. I can not change my age but I can change my weight and my health. So at the end of December I decided to do just that. I joined a CrossFit gym, and I am slowing changing the habits that got me to my heaviest. I am an emotional eater and eat all the wrong things and way to much of those wrong things.

So now that you are caught up to my birthday week, lets continue. Last week everything hit and I had defeating workouts on Monday and Wednesday. It was the first time I had felt that defeat since I started at the gym in December. I was also feeling really deprived with what I was eating. I wanted cake and ice cream and all the food I love for my birthday. I knew that would not be a good idea so I fought against it. I also had a bad weigh in. Now yes the scale is not everything but right now for me it is something. On top of all of that, I miss my parents that I lost about 8 yrs ago and I was dealing with grief that snuck up on me.

Grief hit me like a ton of bricks. That grief puts me into a depression that I do not like. For years that grief was so bad that I could not function as a good wife or mother. I honestly thought my family would have been better off without me. It took years to pull myself out of all of that. The one thing Lawrence and I learned is that I have triggers and PTSD from the loss of my parents. My mom passed away from cancer and my dad a heart attack a year and two weeks apart from each other. I did not handle the grief and depression well or even start to deal with all the loss until about 3 years ago. Seeing the triggers helped me start to process things.

Triggers for me come during certain times of the year. From the end of September until just after Christmas, things can get pretty rough mentally. I spent years just struggling and fighting through it. Telling myself I should be over all this by now and that I need to suck it up and push though. It never worked. It was not until least year that I decided to approach things differently. I had to change my thinking. So now I allow myself a day to be sad and down but that’s it. No more than that. Its okay if those days happen few different times in that time period but I can not live in that depression and grief for long periods of time anymore.

Well last week was not a week I expected to be triggered with grief but I was. I did not handle it well at all. Then mix that with everything else last week and I went down hill really quick. I had another realization though. It had been three weeks since I started my health journey. Each and every time I have tried to loss weight about 3 to 4 weeks in I want to quit. I see my family eating what ever they want and I want to do the same thing. I want to taste all the yummy bad food. I want to sleep in and not be sore from workouts. It was my pattern for every other time I started on this journey. It was always at this point I would decide it was okay to be over weight and that the food and satisfaction was way better than all the eating right and working out. But this time, on this journey things were different. I realized I was triggered and that I was unsuccessfully fighting against it.

Triggers come in all shapes and sizes. Some of Lawrence’s triggers are certain smells, times of year, and seeing a certain kind of plane. Mine tend to be time periods, being overly tired and boredom. It can be hard to realize what your triggers are or if you have them. Once your figure out what they are, then you can decide what it is the best way for you to deal with them.

In September, I take that day to deal with that trigger. This week, I push through and concentrated on the plans I have made for my future. I know I have a goal for September 11th, 2021. I can not reach that goal if I let a few bad workouts and grief get in my way. As for feeling deprived, well that is one I am still working on. A Bible study I am doing said to try and change those thoughts of feeling deprived into thoughts of feeling Empowered. It is a hard mindset to change, but I am working on it.

I did not realize that I was being triggered last week with a few different triggers. It is because of those triggers that my week was rough to get though. Now I am watching my emotions a bit more since I have changed things in my life. Just because I can pin point my triggers and try to change them does not mean that it is that simple for everyone. You might not even know what your triggers are and that’s okay. One way to find triggers is by watching your emotions and reactions to situations. When you have a reaction to something that would be out of character for you, really look deep to see what could have caused that reaction. That situation might just be a trigger. Have your family and friends help look for mood and action changes too. They can see what we can not. They can help. I have a Lawrence, a few great friends, and two coaches at the gym to help talk through these things. It makes a big difference.

I really hope me opening up about this struggle can help you or someone you know. My triggers are minor and I know that. Others have triggers that are much worse. If you would like to talk to Lawrence or I please comment here or find us on Facebook or Instagram. Be sure to Like, Comment, Share, and Subscribe!

Exodus 14:13 Do not be afraid, Stand Firm and you will see deliverance the Lord will bring you today.

Thank you

Melissa McGuire

Relentless

Hello to all our Warriors out there. Lawrence “Watch Dawg” here. I know the last blog was written by Melissa, so this week I am giving it a try. You will see both of us on here. Some times we will be writing posts together. It is what ever the Lord puts on our hears.

I would like to talk a little about hope. I understand that in the world right now hope may be hard to find. If you do find it, it can be very hard to hold onto. Let’s see if we can find some hope AND manage to hold onto it. Like last weeks post stated it is a new year which can add new stress on top of what you already have going on. Let’s start off with something easy, to get the ball rolling. If you are reading this then that means you were able to wake up today. You are able to breath, to see, to move and get up. These are things that we should be grateful for but a lot of times we (I) take those things for granted. All the little things in our daily lives we tend to take for granted. Now here is where the hope starts.

In my line of work, I am hopeful that I can take another step, because in the fire service one more step could be what gets you to that victim that is trapped in a fire. One more step could be what gets our crew member out of a smoke filled building before he/she passes out due to lack of air. One more step! One more step could be the step that changes your life, forever. It could be the step that leads you to the cross, where God can start working on you, saving you, healing you from the inside. One more step could be that step that gets you in the door to see your family. One step could be the step that gets you started on the road to sobriety, or learning to live without fear. One more step could put you in position to help someone else who has lost all hope and can’t manage one more step on their own.

It is no secret that I live with PTSD, and yes it sucks!!!! It is scary, it is hard, and there are times when I feel like it is a losing battle. There are times when I lose hope. I lost almost 2 years of my life because I lost hope. I lost almost 2 years where I wouldn’t/couldn’t look myself in the mirror because I hated who I had become. I considered leaving the middle of the night because I thought my family would be better off without me around. One step seemed impossible when I was at my lowest and felt like I was done. Nothing I was trying was working. Probably a dozen different treatment types and just as many medications, nothing worked. With all the failed attempts I kept pushing on. I heard about yet another type of treatment. I read a little about it and it sounded good, but so had the last 3 treatments I tried. I discussed it with Melissa and she said why not try it? Nothing else had worked. She said “What do you have to lose?” I couldn’t tell her EVERYTHING if it did not work. I swallowed what was left of my pride and signed up for the Mighty Oaks Program. I was accepted and I went away for a week. I had just a fragment of hope going into that program. I rode with one of the instructors to get there. He instilled just a glimmer of hope with what we discussed on the way there. It was at Might Oaks that I found hope that I could use and hold onto. They taught me I could go One more step to reach out and help others as well! I have good days and bad days. On bad days it is dark, scary, lonely, and confusing, but I hold tight to some of my hope. On good days I look back and I am so thankful that my family encouraged me to never give up, and that God gave me the strength and courage to take just one more step. I couldn’t do it alone, none of us can. We need hope to keep moving forward and there is always hope out there.

Please never give up, never stop fighting. Always push to take one more step. Talk to God, talk to a friend, talk to a professional, talk to family. Take one more step. Talk to us, take one more step for yourself, for your family, for your friends. You might not feel like it, but this world is better with you in it. If you ever feel like no one loves you, just know we love you, and more importantly God loves you!

Thank you for coming to the blog today. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe. Also find us on Facebook and Instagram!

Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

Jeremiah 29:11″For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future of hope.”

Lawrence McGuire “Watch Dawg”

Hello RWL and Happy New Year. Melissa here. I wanted to talk to you all a bit about what the a new year can bring and how overwhelming it can be.

LOTS of people start off the a new year with New Year, New Me!! I know I have several times. The expectation of being bigger and better in the new year is great when you see it on paper but in reality it can be OVERWHELMING. Did you know that 80% of people quit on new years resolutions? They do. I did every single time!

Last year was a hard year. We all know that. The mental health crisis that no one is talking about, has gone through the roof. People are more depressed and now have crippling anxiety. Lawrence and I fall under those categories for different reasons and it has been hard. Both of us have been overwhelmed more than once with his full time job, family, church, online schooling, my other blog, the house, sports and the list goes on. Then add the holidays, COVID, and the government issues on top of all of that and it adds up to a disaster. Now there is the expectation of being better than you were the year before with these New Years resolutions that you know you will never stick to but adding that to your plate anyway.

Does any of that sound familiar? Does that sound overwhelming? The outside world has only been feeling this overwhelming feeling for a short time but for someone with PTSD it has been going on for who knows how long. Even when you think all is right in your head and life is going great, it seems to take one little thing to bring on that feeling of being overwhelmed. Then you spend the next few days, weeks, or months trying to get out of that feeling. It’s not easy to deal with.

Once you are overwhelmed the outside world feels it too. You are angry all the time, yelling at your kids and spouse, your exhausted, depressed, and falling deeper into a hole that you can not seem to dig out of.

So lets look at that hole. Here you are stuck at the bottom of this massive hole (all your responsibilities, the world, PTSD, and what ever else can add to that overwhelming feeling) and you are struggling to get out. You are trying to grab places in the hole to climb out but the dirt gives way and you slide back down. You might even have things throwing dirt in on top of you trying to bury you alive or so it seems. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? Hopeless? Frustrated? Angry? Scared? Defeated? Worthless? Useless?

That’s a lot of emotions to process right? You can not possibly get out of that hole? OR CAN YOU? There are ways to dig out of that hole but remember you might need help doing it. Think of it this way, every time you eliminate or switch something around to lessen that feeling, a step appears in the hole and you are closer to making it out of it.

So first make a list of all of the things that you feel like you are drowning in and that are overwhelming you. This is going to be different for everyone. Mine normally starts with laundry and house work. We get so busy with church, school, and sports that my house suffers and then I get anxious. And then I’m overwhelmed and yelling at my family for making messes. Yep that’s me!! This is when I start passing stuff off. I have the boys and Lawrence help me clean the house and get the laundry done. YAY I just uncovered a step to get me out of this hole!! Where can you start?

One of the BIGGEST things that helps me dig out of the hole is to have a schedual and keep a solid routine. The consistency helps me a lot. It calms my brain because I already know what is coming in that day, week and month. If I know it is coming I can prepare for it. This also shows me what I can say yes and NO to. I know it is really hard to say NO but do it!! It is for your peace, not others. You are not everything to everyone, only God is. So it is okay to say NO!!!

Not a schedual person, then you need to look at the things in your life you need to be cut out. Is it a friend, family, or maybe a habit? Toxic things can add to feeling overwhelmed. Social media is a big one. It is really toxic depending on what you are watching and reading. Lawrence falls into this trap.

This might sound bad but lower the expectations you put on yourself. You can not do everything all the time all at once. It is not possible. It is okay to not be perfect. Give yourself some grace!

Now what if I told you there were things that could add more than one step to help you escape that hole! WHAT?? You can add more than one step at a time!!!??? YES!! Selfcare can add several steps to get you right out of that hole. For me this is reading my Bible, listening to worship music, crying in the shower, reading a book, going out for a meal alone, girls movie night, crafting in my craft room and several others things that I have found that have helped over the years. My new found love is CrossFit and goal setting. What are your hobbies, or favorite things to do? For Lawrence it is riding his Harley, hunting, fishing, shooting and hanging out with friends. These are all manageable things and basic needs.

Be aware of what your body is consuming. I mentioned social media earlier and even toxic relationships, but also food and sleep. I feel better when I am putting better things in my body. It helps with exhaustion too. And once you start getting rid of the feeling of being overwhelmed you will even sleep better. Also try your very best to ignore the things you can not directly control. For example, you can not control the government or COVID. So do not let that stuff overwhelm you. This is where my faith comes in and I put my faith in God for that. He has a plan and it is not mine to worry about.

There are things that you can not control and you will always have responsibilities and worries. Think of this as the top few feet of the hole. Since you did a reevaluation of everything though and all those steps appeared, you can still climb out of that hole even though there is still a few feet left. These few feet you can step out of because they are manageable. LOOK!! Your above ground!!

With all that said, DO NOT let the New Year add more pressure to you and overwhelm you. Do not let outside stuff or others throw dirt on your head as you are trying to climb out of that hole. Make a stand to get up and dig out though. Eliminate what you can. ADD self care!! Being overwhelmed sucks but it is possible to dig out of that hole. We all want you walking around with us and not buried in stuff that one day might not even matter. We are willing to help. Reaching out for help adds a step too!!

Lawrence and I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year!! If you need anything please contact us on here or on Facebook or Instagram under Relentless Warriors Legacy. Please Like, Share, Comment, and Subscribe!!

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7)

Melissa McGuire